The human experience includes relationships of many kinds. The tribal relationship leads the parade, of course. The family unit sets our belief systems in motion and instills behavioral programming. We unquestionably adopt attitudes and traditions that came from who-knows-where, though they may not serve anyone anymore. Unfortunately, when we leave the nest to venture out on our own path, we often forget to cut the familial umbilical cord. Without ritual or rite of passage, we leave with familial imprints instead of individuation. In doing this, we pack around dysfunctional patterns along with the gifts they've bestowed upon us. As part of our spiritual path, we are intended to break away from family in order to find our true Self.
Next on the list of relationships are those joined in friendship. We make friends along the way in childhood, school, work, or through friends of friends. Each encounter is an opportunity, and some are Sacred Contracts. Every friendship is a stepping stone towards our own personal growth.
As we continue on the path, we marry or join in an intimate relationship, where the merge can be deeper and more significant. These relationships can be the most challenging as they can be 24 hour, 7 days a week experiences. They can bring out both the best and the worst in us.
We rarely meet the entire archetypal chemistry of the people we choose to commit our lives to early on. We rarely see the entire archetypal landscape until the going gets rough and shadow behavior takes the stage - ours and theirs. After a period of rough going, we ponder whether or not to jump ship. Or, we can consider if this is the time to maneuver the vessel from a new perspective and navigate through the relationship with Self and other differently.
What I know is that our primary responsibility is to our Selves. We come into this world alone, and we will leave it and venture on alone. This is not selfish at all, although many of us have been conditioned to believe otherwise. It is not arrogant to nurture our body, minds and spirits. It is arrogant to not tend to our spiritual life.
What good are we to any relationship if we are not tending to our personal and spiritual business? We have nothing to give to the relationship if we are drained, or worse - shipwrecked. We have nothing to give ourselves, either.
With that said, I have recently encouraged a few nearly divorcing clients to consider staying together. These couples have love for one another and admit there is no abuse involved. For some there are children involved. When both people are invested, the payoff can result in a deeper connection.
Spiritual amateurs are known to jump ship because they are not getting what they want. What we want is often based on entitlement and ego-driven behavior. It is often accompanied by childish reactionary behavior. Both are destructive. Therein lies the relationship-based opportunity for spiritual growth.
It’s time we unlearned what the fairy tales, the myths, legends and Hallmark cards have told us. It’s time we learned the balance between spiritual self care and loving relationships - especially when it looks as though the situation is at its end.
Some of the nearly divorcing couples we are working with are happily and excitedly putting their marriages back together while doing personal healing, growth and development through the Synergistic Emotion Code / Body Code sessions Sandi and I provide.
I will add here that some of the relationships we witness do not survive. In these cases, there is an individual who rejects attempts to change course, and/or there is abuse present. Occasionally, the contract that brought two people together has run its course and reached its end. We encourage our clients to not let the “happily ever after” myth keep them in an unsafe and unloving environment.
More often than not, shifts in navigation can result in more than a saved relationship. Relationships of all kinds can be salvaged rather than cut loose or shipwrecked on the rocks of misunderstanding. Let’s choose to set out on this course, one of spiritually aware “safe sailing”, with fewer distractions and much less destruction.